Oct 30, 20224 min read

Seasons Change, and So Do I…

Updated: Jan 3, 2023

By: Jessica Laurino

There comes a time in our lives when we stop and ask ourselves “Who am I?” This question can be frightening for those of us that have at one time or another, prided ourselves on knowing exactly who we are, standing firmly in our identity. But with life’s changing of tides, seasons, and stages, we also change. We evolve, we grow, we shed, and sometimes we break down and then we rebuild and repair.

To transform is to heal.

Though it is natural to question our existence, the universe, the passing of time, our purpose, and all of life's wondrous mysteries, this process can leave us feeling helpless and directionless. When it comes to re-evaluating where we are on our path, and whom we have become in this moment, it can feel terrifying, sometimes paralyzing, and anxiety-provoking. I want you to know that it doesn’t have to be and that you are not alone.

Through my personal and professional development, the discovery of self and its ever-evolving course has become a thread that binds us all as one. Regardless of age, gender identity, race, religion, etc., we cannot deny that we go through periods of questioning our sense of self as humans.

For some, it’s having lived their whole lives pleasing others and so there comes a time when they must ask themselves “Who am I? What do I like? What is my style?”

For others, it’s the process of becoming a parent “who am I apart from my bond with my children? Can I even have my own identity?”

Maybe you just moved to a new city and are having a hard time finding your place there…

Maybe you just ended a relationship, or a marriage and are figuring out who you are now, outside of a partnership…

Maybe you just left a job that you identified strongly with…

Maybe you are finding the vulnerability to share your authentic self with another person…

Maybe you’re attempting to get sober and embrace a life of recovery…

Maybe you decided to try a new skill you always wanted to learn…

Maybe you are grieving the loss of a loved one…

Maybe you are gearing up for a big adventure…

Whatever the situation – if we allow ourselves to shift the perspective from fear to excitement, we can embrace ourselves with wonder and opportunity.

Tips for challenging the fear:

Focus on what you know is true about yourself. Use facts and evidence to support this.
Make a list of what you used to enjoy doing as a child – did you love to splash in puddles? Or string beads? Maybe you played an instrument or rollerbladed for fun. Try to get back to those activities that brought you joy.
Allow yourself to grieve! Write a goodbye or thank you letter to your past self, and honor yourself for making it to this stage!
Set new goals and intentions – be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, & time oriented.
Take inventory of your life and assess what is helping you move forward and what is holding you back in fear or anxiety. Focus on what is propelling you forward and release what will not serve you!
Try something new! Go to a rage room, take a burlesque class, or an improv class, join a gym, make a new friend, apply for a new job, or take yourself out on a date.
Be compassionate, and kind to yourself. Consider creating affirmations, or mantras for yourself. It can be helpful to think “what would I tell someone I love?”
Accept yourself – get up and go look at yourself in the mirror, make eye contact, and thank yourself for being exactly where you are right now.
Talk about it– with friends, family, your counselor, or your pet. Whomever you feel safe with!
Lean into grounding techniques that stimulate your senses. Cooking, breathing, movement, prayer, gardening, music, laughter.

Whatever season you may be in, counseling can be a safe and supportive place to process the changes and the uncertainties. Allowing yourself to put down your shield and have someone support you as you pivot yourself into a new unknown. In life, our relationships can often feel like mirrors being held up, exposing us, and prompting deeper self-reflection. I see the counseling relationship as this two-way mirror where so frequently, a client is challenged by a situation that resembles a challenge of my own past, or present. Part of my work as a clinician is to do the work; implement the strategies, tips, and techniques that I share, and encourage others to try. I can’t help someone walk a path without first daring to walk it myself. I chose to shed light on this topic because lately, I find myself feeling a little lost and questioning who I am at this new stage of my life. I feel unrecognizable to my past self. This means that there is a new self-waiting for me to join her. Sometimes, being lost is a beautiful place to be, and I hope you can find the beauty in your self-discovery. Don’t be afraid to normalize how you’re feeling, find grace in the process, and trust that even if you are not feeling like your “old” self, you can be excited for who you are today, and whom you will become tomorrow.